Fading Faces
When I arrived in Shanghai, I kinda knew that one of the things that I had to adapt to was people leaving the city or returning to their countries. Since all my close friends were international students, and obviously not all of them were intending to stay in China after graduation, knowing this limitation scared me at first, especially after becoming closer to some of them and feeling the intimacy. I rarely faced a similar issue before in my life. Living in Mashhad, I didn't have an extensive community of friends there. I knew some people, but I wasn't really meeting them as regularly as I did here. Sometimes, it took me months to hang out with someone, and here, I encounter people every day. As a result, the bond has been stronger than ever, and the pain of saying goodbye has become more severe.
Last night I said goodbye to Ari, one of the closest friends I have here, not knowing whether I would meet her again in the near future. Within the next two weeks, three of my other close friends will also leave, one to another city, and the other two to their countries. I already mentioned Noa in my previous posts, my semi-neighbor who, thanks to him and his everyone's favorite beamer, we had the chance to have weekly movie nights, and knowing that I had the privilege of spilling teas with him, or yapping about the economic state of the world, made my stay in that apartment a much better experience. Honestly, I might not even have considered leaving the dorm in the first place if it weren’t for living in a place where I have a close friend whom I can rely on from time to time. Friederike, the one who supported me through the stop-biting-nails process, is the other close friend who is leaving. I believe meeting her was perhaps the best thing that happened to me in the last academic year. She's one of the most competent people I've ever met, understanding 6-7 languages (no pun intended), and the youngest close friend I've ever had, who, surprisingly, helped me become a much more reasonable and calmer person, and I'll be extremely sad not having her bullying me every time I'm frustrated with something that is not that significant. My friendship with Niamh had a much more comic twist and turn. I spent the first semester assuming she hates me, only to discover how we were both misinterpreting each other's facial expressions. It took us a 4-hour conversation after winter vacation to realize we have similar interests and can initiate enjoyable discussions about diverse topics. I guess hate can turn to love after all. I met Ari, the friend whom we took to the airport last night, on my third day here, while she was waiting for her laundry in the lobby. I wasn't always the best person in the first interaction, but perhaps I did a better job that day, which brought us closer, and with each fallout (which happened quite often as we’re both incredibly sensitive), our friendship became stronger.
It's impressive how we all have different mother tongues, and yet, we became close in a second language (thanks to Noa's ancestors' interest in colonialization and imperialism). We'll all live in four dissimilar cities by the end of this summer, and who knows when we’ll all be in the same room. As I mentioned, I used to have many anxieties, even imagining this situation. 6 months ago, I had one of the most crucial dialogues that I've ever had in my life. I remember I was with Anotonia in the lobby, talking about how faces in the dorm are becoming less and less familiar, as people I know are either already left or leaving within the next few months. I told her how the idea of going out of my room, knowing I won't be able to meet Ari, Noa, or Friederike. Antonia, after seeing my crash out, reminded me how foolish it is to waste the pleasure of spending time with friends by constantly thinking about when they're leaving (I suppose there's a pattern with Germans correcting my emotional dysfunctions). Since that night, I haven’t avoided that thought, but I decided to enjoy seeing those faces as long as I could see them in Shanghai. The pain of being left behind turned to the joy of being around others, and remembering how blessed one can be to come across these wonderful people. It's still hard to say goodbye, but the magnificence of all these memories will always overshadow that sorrow.